In the Middle

The day after Christmas, I took the teenagers on a short road trip to visit the Grandma and Grandpa of No, otherwise known as my mom and dad.  I had warned my father in advance that he should stock up on cheese (you can never have too much cheese) and chocolate milk, to be prepared for the usual adolescent sass that comes with having two teenagers around, and that at least one of them sleeps until noon. Seeing the teenagers and my parents in the same place reminds me (not that I really need it) that I am in the middle years of my own life- and boy, sometimes it is hard.

My father and the teenager have exactly the same personality, which makes for some interesting interactions considering that one is young, idealistic, and has it all figured out- and the other is old, cynical, and has it all figured out.  Conversations can get volatile, and sometimes end like this:

Grandpa: Well, you don't understand what you're talking about.
Teenager: Well, neither do you!
Grandpa: You don't listen.  Stop getting all excited and listen.
Teenager: Well, you don't listen either! Just because I'm only a teenager doesn't mean I don't know anything!
Grandpa (to me)- Well, you sure have your hands full.

My mother has Alzheimer's disease.  When my son was diagnosed with autism, I thought then that was the worst thing that could happen to me, and that having a child with autism would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to deal with.  I was wrong.  The hardest thing, right now, is seeing how my mom deteriorates every time I see her.  Autism is no easy walk in the woods, but my son is ever moving forward even though progress is sometimes slow.  With Alzheimer's, every step is backwards.  Conversations go like this:

Mom: Who are you again?
Me: I'm your daughter.
Mom: Oh, that's right. (sounding confused) And who are these other people?
Me: My kids.
Mom: Oh, I didn't know you had kids.

Middle age has its milestones, but they're not always fun ones like getting married, buying your first house, or having your first baby.   Seeing your kids become adults is fun but it's also nerve-wracking (and expensive).  Retirement is on the not-so-distant horizon, but you may or may not have enough money to retire when you want to.  Every time you go to the doctor, they want you to have some not-fun medical procedure like a mammogram or a colonoscopy. Almost everywhere you go, you are reminded that you just aren't that young anymore.  I still think of myself as a young whippersnapper most of the time, but seeing my mother's decline reminds me that I'm in the middle, and that the challenges yet to come will be hard ones.