Socks and Underwear

These days, it's common to give names to parenting styles- there's helicopter parenting, free range parenting, something called "dolphin parenting", you get the idea.  My particular parenting style doesn't really have a name, but it can be summed up this way: I live to mess with my kids' minds.

Once, when I thought the teenager  had been in the shower just a little too long, and I was envisioning the next water bill being in the triple digits, I stuck my head inside the bathroom and yelled, "Hey! The lake called! It's running out of water!" The first time, she actually believed me. My father actually gets credit for that one; he had low tolerance for long showers.

For years now, our family has had a running joke with the Son of Never Stops Eating; we tell him that he is going to get socks and underwear and ONLY socks and underwear for Christmas.  If he starts acting up, or giving me attitude, I'll just respond, "Well, nothing for you but socks and underwear under the tree!"  If we walk by a display of socks or undewear at Target, I'll point them out and say "look, there's your Christmas present!".  Conversations often go like this:

Me: You better shape up and clean that room, or it's going to be socks and underwear for you!
Son: No! I don't want socks and underwear! That's boring!
Me: Hmmm, not looking so good for you. Now you're giving me sass.
Son: Tell Santa I want toys, not stupid socks!
Me: Well, you better go do your chores!

Before I get e-mails about being a mean parent, just know that Santa is bringing him a real present, not socks and underwear, although the teenager has told me that I should wrap some up and tell him to open that present first.  Siblings always seem keen on playing jokes on each other; I can always count on each of them to be my willing accomplice when I want to play a joke on the other one.

I've also told my kids that we're going to dinner at the Tofu Palace.  That isn't actually a real restaurant; I made it up.  I like tofu, but my kids don't.  If we are going out to eat and they don't like my choice, I tell them, OK then! We're going to go to the Tofu Palace! Yum! Delicious! It took them a few times to realize that I wasn't referring to a place that actually existed (at least not where we live).

Our local school district likes to notify parents of activities by callouts, and those were a gift from above.  My daughter actually didn't fall for it (cynical teenager) but when I'd get one from my son's school, I'd tell him, hey, I got a phone call from your principal today! I know about what you did! He would spend several minutes trying to convince me that he hadn't done anything. I would just respond by telling him that wasn't what the principal said.  Then I'd start laughing and he'd realize I was playing a joke on him.

However, I've come to the realization that I need to up my game now that they are getting older and less gullible.   My son turned 13 recently, but he's still very attached to his Legos and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys.  A few nights before his birthday, as he was going to bed, this conversation took place:

Me: Enjoy all those toys while you still can.
Son: Why?
Me: Because when you become a teenager, you can't have toys anymore. It's a rule.
Son: NO! I like my toys- hey, wait a minute, are you messing with me?

Busted.  So busted.