Sunday, December 25, 2016

New Year Goal

The excitement of Christmas morning has passed; the Son of Never Stops Eating is building his newest heart's desire Lego set (a treehouse) and the Teenager is in her room on her technology.  I'm sitting at the kitchen table eating onion dip and Fritos, going through some recent nature pictures, deciding what books to buy with my Barnes and Noble gift cards, and pondering what 2017 will bring my way.

In many ways, 2016 was not my year, which seems to be a common thought. I will admit that although I'm glad to see 2016 over (don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya, 2016) I have some trepidations about what 2017 will bring.  I think I'm also not alone in that thinking.  I know that 2017 will be interesting: a new Presidential administration (not going there); the Teenager starting her senior year of high school; the Son of Never Stops Eating transitioning into high school; working on our house (contractors! oh joy!).

However, when I think about the good things 2016 brought-the year wasn't all bad-a common theme emerges: community.  I'm fortunate to be part of some wonderful groups of people, some that I've been part of for awhile and some that are new.  One truth of life: you have to have your people.

Earlier this year, a Facebook acquaintance put out a call: she was starting a "breakfast club".  The idea was simple: people could meet on Saturday mornings at local restaurants for a leisurely breakfast.  Sure, I thought.  Why not? I like breakfast. Even though I consider myself an introvert, I do like to meet new people.  The Son of Never Stops Eating (a chocolate chip pancake connoisseur) and I ventured out to the first meeting, not knowing what to expect.  Six months later, we've both met new friends, gotten to know some older friends better, and found some great local places to eat breakfast. 

I have my community of fellow nature nerds- many of whom I have only met online, but with whom I share an interest in and love of the natural world.  When I see something extraordinarily cool out at the nature preserve, I know immediately who I am going to share it with.  Need an ID on an unfamiliar bird?  I know who to ask.  Found a cool mushroom after a rain shower?  I know who else will think it's fascinating.  One of these days- probably after my band mom tour of duty is over- I will hopefully get to meet more of my fellow nature lovers in real life at a bioblitz or a birding outing.

I have my community of other "special needs moms", who get why I will have angst over the Son of Never Stops Eating's transition to high school, and why I am worried about what he will do after high school is over.  We have elderly parents, challenges to meet with our special needs kids, other kids learning how to drive and go off to college, and we get each other.  We don't have to explain things to each other, we just know.  I have my crazy GNO friends, many of whom I met through church, who either have the same weird sense of humor I do or who are willing to put up with it. 

Some communities are very long term, and others are more ephemeral, but share a goal regardless- working in the marching band concession stand with other band parents is community. Even if it disbands when the big game ends, we share the challenges of supplying endless amounts of churros during halftime and keeping the nachos coming for the fans. I joke about the band mom concession stand, but to be honest, I enjoy it.  Seeing what the Teenager gains from being in her band community makes the concession stand time well spent.

If you are looking for a 2017 goal (the Mom of No gave up on resolutions; I rarely keep any of them and then I feel slightly guilty about it and it gives me angst, which I definitely don't need), I have a suggestion: If you don't have a community, find one.  If you have one, strengthen it.  Find connections- not just on Facebook, but in real life.  Sign up for an adopt-a-spot.  Join a civic board.  Volunteer for the band concession stand and make some nachos.  Start a book club.  Take up birding.  Meet friends for dinner once a month, or coffee every other Saturday morning.  Go to the local outdoor concerts in the park.  It will be worth it.

May you have safe and enjoyable New Year's celebrations. Happy 2017 from the Family of No.


Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Freezing Day Hike

Last weekend, a cold front came through our area.  One minute I was sitting outside in a short-sleeved t-shirt enjoying a sunny December afternoon, and the next, a frigid breeze was blowing through.  My son and I had been watching a tailed orange butterfly; the butterfly disappeared. By that evening the heater was on and the dog was refusing to go outside because it was too cold.

The next morning, I woke up and consulted the weather app on my phone.  Too cold to hike? Yes, too cold to hike.  I rolled over and went back to sleep.  By mid-morning, however, the call of the trail was too persistent to ignore.  So what if it was cold outside? I have winter clothing and thick socks. I suspect that my husband thought I was a little nuts.  Who in their right mind would go hiking when it was freezing outside? I had no idea if I would find anything, but I had to go look.

As I drove into the park, I saw a red-tailed hawk hanging out on an electric pole.  Mother Nature was smiling upon my endeavor. My hike would be a success. 

I parked the car and got out. No other hikers were in sight, but I could see some fishermen down on the river; I wasn't the only crazy person outside.  I felt somewhat vindicated.  In fact, these fishermen were even crazier than I was because they were wading in the water. 

As I walked down the trail, I could hear bird sounds.  I saw no egrets or herons on the water, but I heard a great blue heron flying overhead. One red tailed hawk sighting and a heron; a good start.  A killdeer was on the island in the middle of the river, making plaintive sounds. Small unidentified birds flew from one side of the river to the other.  I looked over to my left and spotted a ruby-crowned kinglet on the ground.  The fingers on my right hand seemed to be frozen to each other, so I blew on my hand so I could use the camera- and success!

I know the branch is in the way, but you can really see the ruby spot!
 
I turned to go towards the boardwalk and the marsh with the bird blinds, and - osprey sighting! He was perched on the top of a dead tree, so I walked stealthily until I could get to an unobstructed view.  Just as I got there,  he flew off.  Then I heard it: peck....peck....peckpeckpeckpeck...peck....

So, no luck photographing the osprey, but the downy woodpecker seemed unaware of my presence as I stood still and observed it go under the branch, over the branch, up the tree, down the tree...peck peck peck....

Cold weather was no deterrent to this downy woodpecker.
I moved on. As long as I was moving, I was warm.  The minute I stopped walking, I could feel my limbs start to freeze. I pulled my hat down over my ears; I could hear my own mother's voice in my head, saying, "Cover your ears! You're going to catch a cold!".  In the distance,  I spotted a great blue heron, hunkered down.



Ice was on the water as I walked to the large bird blind.  On the trail, the cold had been bearable, but over the water it was too cold even for a nature nut like myself.   The mallards, however, seemed to be fine with the cold. 


Ice flowers!

I continued walking.  Other than birds, nothing was out moving around, but there were birds aplenty.  Cardinals flew from tree to tree, the bright red of the males easily visible in the bare branches.  I heard more woodpeckers.  Little brown birds moved around in the ground brush. 


Female cardinal, on a bare branch.
 
My phone beeped.  My husband, wanting to see if I was frozen solid yet?  No, the Teenager wanting to know how much money was in her teen checking account (not much, so sad).   I didn't want to take my gloves off to text her the bad news.

I decided it was nearly time to head to the car, after walking back down the river again to see if, by some chance, the osprey had returned to his perch. He had, but once again he flew off as soon as I was in position to get a good picture. The downy woodpecker, however, was in the same spot...peck...peck...peckpeckpeckpeck...peck...

I took that as a sign- that, and the fact that my face felt like an ice cube.  It was definitely time to head back to the vehicle and crank the heater up as far as it would go. 

As I drove down the road to the gate house and the exit, I spotted the red tailed hawk again. One more try! Fortunately, no one else was driving down the road because I stopped the car and jumped out with camera in hand, ready to go. One of the advantages of cold weather hiking: you get the place to yourself!


Red-tailed hawk

I got back in the car, feeling a bit like a human popsicle.  The hike had been worth it.  However,  I was ready to go home, get a cup of hot tea, and begin thawing out.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Low Maintenance Christmas

I'm a Christmas slacker.  I'm just going to say that right up front.  The older I get, the lower the bar becomes in terms of what I consider to be a successful holiday.  Christmas stresses me out in a way that Easter or the 4th of July doesn't.  Even the greeting you choose can cause all-out political and social warfare if you choose poorly.  No one gets mad if people working in a store don't say "Happy Easter" in the weeks preceding the holiday.  Honestly, I'm happy as long as people are nice.  I don't care if they say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy winter solstice". 

Here is my list of what I have done in preparation for the Big Day:

1.  I bought gifts. 

Even this wasn't that easy.  I can't actually tell you the story because it would give hints to a certain member of my family, but let's just say that complicating factors arose in the purchasing of one gift and I had to make multiple trips to a store and the store assistant manager got involved and even though at the end we were all "Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!" it was rough going there for awhile.  However, I was able to pick up some other presents at the most recent Friends of the Library book sale for the low price of free in exchange for two hours of volunteer labor.  In the end, I think everyone will be happy.

2.  I baked two batches of molasses cookies. 

3.  I wrapped presents while the kids and the Dad of No put up the Christmas tree.  I decorated the mantel with a manger scene that my grandmother made many years ago.

4.  I will be watching the best Christmas movie ever, "Christmas Vacation", at least once before Christmas day.

5.  A co-worker gave me a little box of Christmas treats and I ate them.  The fudge was delicious, although eating it at 7:00 in the morning might not have been the best idea.

6.  Our family attended the Teenager's band Holiday Concert.  Angst occurred when a Lego piece was dropped and rolled under a seat in front of us, but the piece was recovered after the concert and all was well.

When my kids were younger I did more.  For example, there was the required trip to see Santa Claus.  I made the mistake once of taking the Teenager to see Santa when she was a toddler and I was massively pregnant with the Son of Never Stops Eating, who was then the Son of Never Stops Kicking His Mother's Bladder. We waited in line for almost an hour and when we were next my daughter flat out refused to have anything to do with the guy in the red suit and his cheerful elves. 

After that, this became the Santa Claus visiting procedure: If we run into Santa, we'll get a photo. Amazingly, every year for as long as the kids actually wanted to visit Santa, it worked out. Now that they're teenagers, the pressure is off.

2016 has been a difficult year for several reasons, and I will like nothing better than to see it end.  I have no idea what 2017 will be like, but every January 1st feels like a fresh start even though the only thing that is really starting over is the health insurance deductible.  When I see picture of extravagant cakes decorated to look like Santa or lavishly decorated houses, I'll admit that I feel a little pressure to be more jolly and accomplished than I am really feeling at the moment.

This year, however, since Christmas is the season for giving, I'm giving myself permission to not feel guilty about not having a creatively themed tree (the theme of our tree: "Ornaments we inherited from the Grandparents of No when they downsized their house").  Our Christmas cookies will probably come from Winco (in this house, it doesn't matter where the cookies come from; they will be devoured anyway), and the Son of Never Stops Eating will probably be wearing sweatpants to church on Christmas Eve (we did look for khakis but no luck finding any).

However, regardless of how you celebrate the season, I wish you the best one- may your days be joyful, may your kids not drive you nuts after six hours of being out of school, may you not have to return a single gift to the store, and may you survive all gatherings with relatives.  From the Household of No, Merry Christmas.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

If it's on the Internet

When the Teenager was a preschooler, we went through a period of time during which she was convinced that the one thing in the world that I really needed was a "As Seen on TV" purse.  Every day when she watched her favorite cartoons, she would see advertisements for this purse, and the ads apparently worked well on her.  If she had known how to use a phone and a credit card, she would have called up and ordered me two: one for my birthday, and one for Christmas.

Eventually I told her that not everything on TV is as it appears.  Merchandise might look marvelous on the screen, but for $19.99 (and shipping/handling- and if you buy two you get the second one at half price!) it probably wasn't as good as they claim it is.  I could tell she thought I was being some cynical old fuddy-duddy.  If it's on TV it must be true, right?

Recently, out at the nature preserve, I was hiking and came across a raccoon hanging out at the edge of the river.  I was fortunate to get some really good pictures of this raccoon, and when I downloaded the picture, the Son of Never Stops Eating was entranced by the extreme cuteness that was this particular raccoon.  Raccoons can be adorable, but they can also be mean, and I am more than happy to just take a picture of the raccoon and let him live his raccoon life in the wild.

The Son of Never Stops Eating, however, was convinced that a raccoon would be a great pet. We already have a dog and a hamster, and as far as I am concerned, two pets are enough for the household of No.  I know people have raccoons as pets, but I do not need a pet raccoon. 

At some point he went and looked it up on his iPad and then came to tell me that it was okay to have a raccoon for a pet, other people have raccoons as pets, and therefore we should also get a raccoon. Preferably, the raccoon that I had seen that afternoon.  It would be great if I would go back there, find that raccoon, and bring it home.

"We are not getting a pet raccoon". I said. "No exotic pets in this house".  

"But, Mom!" he protested. "On the internet it says that raccoons make great pets! We should get one!".

"Do you believe everything you see on the internet?" I asked him.  "You can find all kinds of stuff on the internet that isn't true.  Just because you see something on the internet doesn't mean it's a good idea to do it in real life.  A raccoon is not a good idea".

"But Mom! That raccoon is so CUTE! And it says on the internet you can have a raccoon living in your house! Our dog would love a raccoon! They could play together in the back yard!"

"We are not getting a pet raccoon! Final word!"

"But Mom, I thought you were a lover of nature!" 

On my mental list of Important Life Information that I need to pass on to my offspring before they reach adulthood I mentally highlighted these three items for extra reinforcement:

Just because you see it on the Internet doesn't make it true.

Just because you're on the internet and you see or read about someone else doing something, that doesn't mean that you should do it too.

If you want a pet that is not a dog, cat or hamster you can get one (as long as it's legal) after you become an adult, start paying your own bills, and move out of my house and start living in your own house. My house, my rules- no raccoon!


No pet raccoon.  Sorry, kids.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Freezing

Winter has arrived, at least temporarily, in our neck of the woods.  With winter's arrival comes the hope that lives eternally in every K-12 student's heart:  The unceasing, fervent hope that school will be cancelled because of inclement weather.  Never mind that you have to make it up later; the details are unimportant.  What's important is no school!

The Son of Never Stops Eating was bouncing around the house last night, making plans for a free day off just in case some miracle occurred between dinner time last night and the start of school this morning.  I knew his cause was hopeless; we were forecasted to receive slightly freezing temperatures but no snow or ice.  He didn't want to hear it, however.  He refused to allow his dreams to be dashed by his pessimistic parents.

Son: Mom, will it be cold enough to cancel school tomorrow?
Me: No, there won't be any ice.
Son: Mom, no kids want to go to school when it's cold.
Me: I can believe that.
Son: No teachers want to be at the school either.
Me:  I hear you.
Son: The only people who want us to go to school are the parents.

Yes, that is exactly right. As your mother, and also as a payer of property taxes, I want your butt to be sitting at your desk tomorrow morning, and you better be bright eyed and ready to learn something.  In addition, you better have a good attitude about it.  If I have to go to work when it's cold, you have to go to school. Suck it up, buttercup.  It's a sad story.

Yet, although it was evidently too cold for educational purposes, it was apparently not cold enough to wear any winter clothing.  For some reason, teenage boys- or at least the one who resides in my house-seem to be just fine with shorts, a short-sleeved t-shirt, and bare feet while I am bundled up in my long underwear, a sweater, boots with thick socks and two blankets- and the heater on. 

I want you to wear a long-sleeved shirt tomorrow, I told him, and a coat.  I took his coat out of the hall closet and showed it to him.  He slouched down on the sofa. I didn't mention wearing a hat or gloves; I knew that would be asking too much.  Some battles you simply will not win.

I don't want to wear a coat, he said. I'm okay with just a t-shirt on.  I don't need to wear a coat.

I gave him the Mom Glare in response.  Wear the coat, I told him.  It's too cold to walk around outside with just a shirt on.  Also, I don't want to be known as the mom who lets her kids go outside without the appropriate clothing on.  It's the kind of thing that moms get shamed for on Facebook.

I can understand his heart's desire for a school closure. I'll admit that I wouldn't mind a cold day to hang out, drink hot cocoa, and watch the best Christmas movie ever, "Christmas Vacation", before taking a nap.  However, after a day of that, I start getting stir crazy and it's no longer fun.  I start thinking about all the work I'll have to catch up on after the ice melts, and how someone needs to get brave and go to the grocery store because we're out of milk and chocolate ice cream, and I start wondering if that funky sound the heater is making is normal, or if it's getting ready to explode.  At the time the "no work" announcement is made, however, my heart jumps for joy.  I'll own it. 

You never know what the winter will bring, I told the Son of Never Stops Eating.  Today is not your day for no school, but keep hoping.  In the meantime, you still have to wear a coat when it's freezing outside. 

Apparently, it is never too cold to roll your eyes at your mother.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Rental Car

Recently, the Mom of No's beloved personal vehicle suffered an injury: it had an unplanned encounter with an inanimate object, and needed some TLC which only a collision repair center could provide.  While my beloved is undergoing its repairs, the insurance company provided me with a rental car.

Not much in the world makes me more nervous and paranoid than driving a rental car.

Because I was out of town, the Dad of No went to pick up the car. When he picked me up at the airport, I asked him, did you pick up my rental car? What kind of car is it? Is it the convertible I asked for?  He shook his head. It's a tiny sedan, he replied.  You might not like it that much. It was all they had on the lot.

The next morning, the Son of Never Stops Eating and I decided to go eat breakfast.  I got in the car and looked at the back seat. 

I think you better sit in the front seat, I told him.  I don't think your hamster would fit back there, let alone a six foot tall thirteen year old boy.  The Son of Never Stopped Eating got into the front seat and pushed it as far back at it would go.  His knees were still sticking up.  Tall people were clearly not the target market for this particular car.

Mom, I don't like this car very much, he said.  You need to get your car back. We both sighed, thinking of my beloved sitting at the collision repair shop, in pieces. 

When I'm driving a rental car, I see every other vehicle on the road as a potential disaster waiting to happen. I park as far away as I can from every other car in the parking lot.  I live in fear of hail storms, falling trees, and sinkholes opening up below my driveway and swallowing the rental car whole.  Why do I fear these things?  Because I can only imagine the paperwork involved if I had to call the rental car company and tell them, hey, you know that tiny little car you gave me?  It just got swallowed up by a sinkhole.

When I am in possession of a rental car, I have nightmares that involve horrible things involuntarily happening to the rental car, like someone stealing it out of my driveway, or the car being run over by a huge 18 wheeler hauling heavy equipment. In these dreams I am always completely unharmed but the car is a total loss.  As part of these nightmares, I call the car rental place to let them know their car is, well, messed up a bit.

Did you purchase the optional comprehensive damage and loss waiver that you were offered when you picked the car up? the agent asks me. 

Well, no, I tell them. My insurance company said I didn't need it.

(Diabolical laughter ensues from rental car representative)

Then I wake up in a cold sweat, and run out the back door to make sure that the car is in the garage, unharmed, and that no sinkholes are forming in my driveway.

Later in the day, the Son of Never Stops Eating and I decided that we needed to go to Target. We drove the rental car. Our trip there was uneventful, although he asked me why we were parking far away from any other cars.  As we walked back to the car after shopping, I spied what I thought was an injury to the car;  it looked like something had happened to the paint.  The car had a big brown spot on the door that had not been there before.

Oh, s**t! What the f*** happened to the car? I said, standing in the parking lot in the rain, holding my Christmas wrapping paper and a container of chocolate ice cream.  Visions of endless paperwork were dancing around in my overactive imagination.

Mom, my son said, I think that might be a wet leaf.  It was. So much for my powers of observation.

We drove home, utilizing every defensive driving skill I have ever learned.  I think the people behind me might have been a bit annoyed, since I waited for the green arrow to make all my left turns even thought I could have turned on the green light.  I was in a rental car; I was not taking any chances.

Hopefully my beloved will be restored to me soon.