Awhile ago, it was brought to my attention that I need to start using reading glasses. I'm not overly excited about this development. It seems that with every passing year every time I go to the doctor, dentist, or optometrist they have some words of gloom to offer. For example, this gem the last time I had a checkup:
Doctor: You're about that age to get a screening colonoscopy.
Mom of No: What did you say?
Doctor: And maybe a hearing test.
I got the reading glasses, and to be honest, they mostly sat around my house. If I was trying to read something with tiny print, I'd put them on, but I didn't use them routinely. Then a few months ago, I realized that I actually could see much better when I was wearing them.
The problem here is that the reading glasses don't fit in my purse. Like my son, I do not like change. I have had the same purse for literally years. I'm actually on my second one; the first one pre-dated the teenager. Last Christmas, a friend of mine who is a wonderful person hunted one just like it down on eBay for me because the first one was falling apart. I don't like change and I hate shopping unless it's for items like birding binocs or books, so the glasses not fitting in the purse is a huge issue for me. Either I have to take something out of my purse to fit the glasses in or I have to get a bigger purse.
The situation is as yet unresolved. It's not just the glasses and the purse- it's things like having people give you confused looks when you talk about the Soviet Union*, or laying in the dentist's chair having your teeth cleaned and hearing Madonna's "Like a Virgin"** over the sound system, or realizing that people who were not yet born the year you graduated from college are now old enough to buy alcohol.
The other night I was in Target and I decided to get some Angry Orchard hard cider. The nice young lady at the checkout rang it up, and then said to me, I need to see your ID.
Really? I said. Could she not see the little wrinkles around my eyes, the bits of gray in my hair, the 13 years postpartum Mom bulge around my waist? Did I really look under 21? Heck yeah, you can see my ID! I'm in my 40's and I still look young enough to have the Target cashier asking me for my ID! Obviously all that staying out of the sun and using sunscreen works! Skin care success!
It's policy, she continued. We have to ask everyone even if we know they're over 21. We have to put their birthdate in the computer or it won't let us ring up the sale. I suppose I looked a little deflated because she smiled at me. You do look young for your age, though, she said.
At least gray hair is currently "in". Maybe people will think I paid big money for those gray highlights, instead of having them come in naturally. I can find solace in that thought, as I agonize over my purse situation.
*Soviet Union=Russia (kind of). When I was a young'un, we were all terrified the Soviets were going to obliterate us with nuclear weapons. Then stuff happened, the Soviet Union fell apart, and now it's Russia, which is what it was before the Soviet Union.
**The Grandma of No was not a fan of songs like "Like a Virgin", and considered that kind of music appalling. Now it's dentist office music.
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