That's a Sad Story

In my parenting career, the two best pieces of advice I have received are (1) that newborns need to learn the difference between day and night, so when they wake up at night don't do anything but feed them and change the diaper and then put them back to bed; and (2), the phrase "that's a sad story".

A co-worker of mine put me on to "that's a sad story".  It has so many applications, and it's incredibly adaptable to almost any situation involving children and teenagers.  Instead of arguing, or debating, or encouraging continued whining/complaining/tattle tale telling, just reply: "That's a sad story".  For example:

Kid: MOM! (insert name of sibling) is staring at me!
You:  That's a sad story. (Work it out with them).

Kid:  Everyone in my class except me has a new iPhone!
You:  That's a sad story. (You're not getting one.  Stop pestering me about it).

Kid:  It's not FAIR that I have to (insert name of activity) and no one else does!
You:  That's a sad story. (You still have to do it).

Kid:  This dinner sucks! I want a grilled cheese instead!
You:  That's a sad story.  (Do I look like a chef? Eat what I cooked).

Kid: I have the meanest mother in the world!
You:  That's a sad story.  (Yes, you do. Suck it up, buttercup.)

Kid: I can't find my soccer uniform anywhere in my room!
You: That's a sad story. (If you kept track of your stuff, you could find it).

Kid:  Calls you at work to tell you "I forgot my (iPad/homework/lunch/field trip form)" after you reminded them several times to put it in their backpacks.
You: That's a sad story. (Should have put it in there last night when I told you to).


In order for the Sad Story response to work, you have to be able to deliver it with a straight face, or at least one that manages to convey that special parental look that says "I feel your pain, but I'm not giving in".  You also can't actually give in.  If your kid can't find the soccer uniform, and you tell her "That's a sad story", and then you actually go look for it, then you've diluted the effectiveness.  The idea is for them to take the responsibility on themselves to find it in in the ecological disaster that is their room instead of foisting off that task onto you.  The first few times you use it, you will likely encounter extreme resistance to the technique.  That's okay; just don't give in.

Of course, be prepared - if you have kids like The Mom of No's offspring- to have it repeated back to you.  The other day, my son came over to me as I was working in the kitchen.  He stood there for a minute, smiled at me, and said, Mom, is it hard to be you?

Yes, I told him. You have no idea how hard it is to be me. 

Mom, he says, That's a sad story.