Lost Belongings

Kids, I love you.  I really do. I am your mother and I want only the best for you.  But I need you to understand something important before I send you out into the big, bad world:  I am your mother, not your personal locator of lost belongings.

If you put something down and walked away and forgot where you left it, I don't know where it is, either.  I don't have little nano-trackers on all your belongings.  Our house is not some high tech abode where I can touch a screen and say "locate hairbrush!" or "find missing homework".  I don't keep track of everything you own. I don't keep vigils over your technology to make sure it doesn't wander off in the wee hours of the morning.  You are teenagers.  It's your stuff.  Keep track of it yourselves. If you lose something, oh well, that is a sad story.  I'm doing well just to keep track of where all my stuff is; my brain is too occupied to keep track of all your stuff, too. Have mercy on me. 

This especially applies to your LEGOS.  You had better not lose any of those LEGOS, because if I find any of them by stepping on them with bare feet, the penalty will be severe.  You have been forewarned.  And while we are on the subject of LEGOS,  Son of Never Stops Eating, I do not know where the fireman LEGO guy is that you had two weeks ago but can't find now.  It could be under the seat in the car.  Go look there. 

What do you think will happen when you go out into the big world beyond and lose something? If you think I am going to drive from the house to wherever you are to help you find it, you are completely mistaken.  You can call me on the phone and commiserate about whatever it is that is now lost, but in the end I'll tell you, in the nicest Mom way possible, that it is just a sad story.  I feel so bad for you.  I hope you find the missing object, whatever it is.

When you are little and you lose little kid stuff, it's hard enough.  Just wait until you have your own kids, and you will find out what it's like. It can be annoying to lose a child's library book, confess to the library staff, pay for the book, and then find it a year later in a place it never occurred to you to look, like under the child's bed.  Even worse, losing the lovey. Don't ever lose the blankie, or the stuffed bunny.  You will do anything to find the lovey.

However, just wait until you lose something really important, like your college ID, or a paper you have worked really hard on.  Or, your driver's license.  Do not ever lose your driver's license.   Now that I mention it, don't lose anything in your wallet.  First of all, you would hate for some evildoer to find your credit cards or your ID and go on a spending spree while pretending to be you.  Second, all that stuff is a total pain in the butt to replace.  This is valuable wisdom I am imparting to you. Take heed.

Just in case you are thinking, oh, easy for you to talk, Mom of No, I bet you've never lost anything.  That would be untrue.  I misplaced my work ID once and I was in a total panic.  Fortunately, I found it right where I left it, 5 minutes later. Whew. 

I know you are good, responsible kids, soon to be adults.  Keep track of your stuff.  It's your responsibility, not your mom's, or your roommate's, or your partner's.  I know you can do it.  I have faith in you.  Love, Mom.