Left Turns

The teenager is now the proud owner of a learner's permit.  As I drive around with her,  I've been trying to reinforce some driving rules and strategies for safe automobile operation.  It's a little unnerving to see your child sitting in the driver's seat of a car for real; it's a definite sign that adulthood is really not that far away. 

One driving skill that's come up has been making left turns.  I've told her that you shouldn't make a left turn unless you are absolutely sure that you can proceed safely.  If you have doubts, you should wait until you are confident it's clear, even if there is someone behind you honking or being obnoxious.  Don't let someone else goad you into making a bad left turn because they're impatient to go. They will just have to suck it up for a few more minutes.

It sounds easy enough in theory, but sometimes it's hard not to let other drivers influence what you do on the road. 

It occurred to me then that this is a life lesson bigger than making a left turn through an intersection, especially for the young woman I am raising, because I think that our society is extremely effective about giving girls messages about how to manage their relationships with other people that they carry into adulthood and that set them up for making decisions that aren't always in their best interests.  Get along. Don't stir the pot.  Be nice. Don't be bossy. Think of others first. Fit in with the crowd. Now that I'm nearing AARP eligibility, I've determined that a lot of that is nonsense. The happiest people I know are those living on their own terms, not trying to fit in.  But I also think that's an understanding that comes with life experience for many of us.  So to the teenager, I say this:

Don't let other people pressure you into making bad decisions, or decisions you are not comfortable with.  Don't let other people determine when you make your left turns.

As the teenager get older and has more independence,  she will have more opportunities to make bad left turns.  Right now, I'm in the passenger seat, guiding her- wait for that car to go past because it's going a little too fast, we can't see if someone is coming because there's a car opposite us also in a turn lane, stay away from drugs, don't text and drive, concentrate on school, make sure you manage your time well, choose your friends wisely. If someone is pressuring you to do things you don't want to do, that person isn't really your friend. Walk away.  Others' left turns are not necessarily yours.  Don't feel that you need to do what other people are doing to be cool or to fit in.  It might work for awhile, but you won't be happy with it.

The time is soon coming, though, when she will be on her own, choosing her own left turns.  I hope that she has the fortitude and the ability to ignore the pressure from other people to make decisions that may not necessarily be what she wants or that are not in her best interest. 

When you're new to driving, it can be a challenge to make decisions because you don't have experience to rely on. If someone is honking at you, maybe it is okay to go...that car isn't that close.  Except, maybe it is too close and the other person is being an impatient jerk.  However, it's your car making the turn, not theirs.   Make the decision that is right for you, not for them.