Money Tree

Last night, we went out to eat to celebrate the beginning of school again (well, I was celebrating- the offspring didn't seem too excited).  While we were waiting for our dinner, the subject of money management came up.

Son: Mom, your boss gives you money, right?
Me: Well, I get paid for working.
Son: And you're the boss of us, right?
Me: Uh, yes, I suppose....(starting to wonder where this is going)
Son: So you should give us money.

So clearly there is a disconnect here.  My son has some difficulty with abstract concepts, so I've explained before that my employer doesn't just give me money; I have to work to earn it.  And once I get paid, I don't get to keep much of it for very long, which is a really sad story. I think money is a hard concept for kids to really get, especially when you use credit cards.  They don't see the part of the process where you are paying the credit card company at the end of the month; they only see the part where you're handing over a rectangle of plastic and getting stuff in return (I know, you can use just cash, but then I wouldn't get reward points on gasoline purchases).  I've had this conversation with the teenager before (she was much younger):

Kid:  I want a new iPhone.  Everyone else has a new phone.
Me: Sorry, not happening. 
Kid: Why?
Me:  Too expensive. Besides...(general discussion about how just because "everyone else" has something, that doesn't mean you are getting it, too)
Kid: Just put it on your credit card.

My dad, the Grandpa of No, would exclaim, every time my brother or I hit him up for some money: What? Do you think money grows on trees! There's no money tree in the back yard! I suspect I've said that very same thing, despite telling myself, as a teenager, that I would never say such things to my own kids.  For a while, my kids thought you could just go to the bank drive-thru and they would give you money.  I probably explained about fifty times that you had to have money in your account and that the bank was just giving you your own money.  Later, I thought, it does seem logical- you drive up, put a piece of paper in a tube, send it off, and a few minutes later, look! Money! And, if you're really lucky, a lollipop!

When I was a new mom, I had grandiose plans in regards to teaching money skills.  I was going to do all the right things, and my kids would be financially astute and self-supporting by the time they were 15. I was also going to be one of those highly organized moms who knew just how to install a car seat and decorate the perfect birthday cake,  and that didn't happen either. Every website on parenting has a different take on teaching kids money management and allowance. After careful study of the many options,  I eventually decided on the "I'm going to wing it and see what happens" approach.   Now that they're older, though, I'm trying to make more of an effort to explain things like loans, taxes, buying something big like a car.  I showed the teenager a statement of benefits form for a doctor's visit of hers and she was aghast at how much it cost.  Welcome to adulthood, I told her.  She looked like I'd suggested that we peel her fingernails off with hot pincers. That's a not-fun part of becoming an adult- you get to learn that a lot of your money goes for stuff like utility bills and doctor visits, and not fun stuff like hanging out at the fro-yo place.

Of course, there is one success in the conversation that my son and I had last night.  He recognized that I am the boss of him!  I'm sure that will last about 2 days- when I remind him again to clean his room.