The Mom No

You may be wondering why I call this blog "The Mom of No". It goes back to a conversation I had with my son several months ago.  He was asking me for something, and I said "No".  His response was "Mom, don't be the Mom of No.  Be the Mom of Yes!".  I posted the conversation on my Facebook page, and it became a thing.  (Hashtag)Momofno.

I love the word "No". The Mom No is something every mom needs in her Mom toolbox.  If I were to give any advice to an expectant mother, it would be to stand in front of a mirror for ten minutes a day and practice your Mom No. As in,

"No, you may not pull the dog's tail".
"No, I am not buying toys today".
"No, we are not stopping at McDonald's."
"No, you are not getting an iPhone."
"No, I am not buying you a pair of UGG boots."

When they're in utero, it's hard to believe that you'll ever need the Mom No, but the first time you find your 10 month old eating the dog's food out of the dog's dish, you'll be glad you started your training early.

You get extra credit if you can manage the Mom No glare that goes with the statement "No".   If you can't, no worries- it comes naturally with practice. Eventually the kids know that you are glaring at them even if all they can see is the back of your head from the back seat of the car.

Once your kids start sentences with the words "I know the answer is probably no, but...." then you are well on your way to Mom No success.  When your offspring realize that "maybe", "perhaps", "I'll think about it", and "we'll see" are really Mom code for "no", then you are a Mom No black belt. Once the kids understand that you say no to some requests so that you can say yes to other things, then you are in Mom No nirvana.

Often, especially as they get older, the kids demand explanations for the Mom No.  The Grandpa of No's answer was usually "because I said so".  When the offspring were young, I didn't give explanations.  I'm the mom, so I get to make the rules.  As they get older, I think it's valuable for them to understand the basis for my reasoning.  Sometimes they even try to get me to change my mind.  However, trying to get me to change my mind by showing me the same LEGO set on Amazon six times a day is not generally an effective technique. 

You do have to be careful about external forces having a negative effect on the power of the Mom No. When the teenager was a toddler, she loved M&Ms.  Every time we went into the store, I'd tell her that we were not buying M&Ms today, or, if I was feeling generous, that I would buy M&M's if she was a good helper while we got our shopping done (meaning: not sneaking Oreos into the shopping cart while I was preoccupied, or wandering off somewhere).  One day, she decided to test my resolve, and threw a temper tantrum hoping that I'd give in on the candy.  I just kept telling her that today was a no M&M day.

She sniffled a little bit, and tried the toddler "But I am so cute!" technique, and told me that she loved me a lot and I was the best mommy ever, and I told her that she was cute and I loved her, but she was still not getting any M&M's.  At that point, she announced to everyone in the store that I was the meanest mommy in the world.

The woman behind me in line spoke up at that point.  Why don't you just get her the M&M's?  she asked.

Because! I almost shouted.  That would dilute the power of my Mom No! Once the little turkeys find out that No really means Yes, then the power of the Mom No is gone!

I don't say no all the time.  I think I say yes to my kids a lot.  I say yes more than I should, probably.  But I still believe in the power of the Mom No.