Stuff

I am banning the use of the word "stuff" from my household.

Yesterday we were on our way home from church and I was doing my usual Post-Church Offspring Interrogation, asking annoying Mom questions about what they had been doing in Sunday School.  The conversation went like this:

Me: So what did you do in Sunday School?
Daughter: We did happys and crappys, and we talked about the Ten Commandments.

Sounds legit, right? Then I turned my attention towards my son.

Me: So what about you? What did you do?
Son: Uh, happys and crappys.  And stuff.
Me: You did stuff? What kind of stuff? Be specific.
Son: Uh, I don't know! Stuff!
Me: Did you even go to Sunday School or were you trying to mooch donuts again?
Son: I did go to Sunday School!
Me: So what is stuff? No more stuff! I want to know what you did!
Son: Dissolves into laughter.

I know exactly what "stuff" is.  "Stuff" is a time-honored but not always effective way of communicating to your mother that:

1.  You don't want to answer the question because the answer may incriminate you. It's like pleading the Fifth in a court of law, but you're in the court of Mom looking to deflect her attention from your guilt by being intentionally vague.
2.  You are too tired to answer the question.
3.  You don't remember the answer to the question.
4.  You don't care about answering the question.
5.  You think the question is stupid.
6.   You were poaching donuts from Bible study classes at church instead of going to Sunday School and you don't want your mother to know.
7.  You think the answer to the question is none of your mother's business.
8.  You'd rather be on your technology instead of talking to your mother.
9.  You don't want to answer the question while your sibling(s) are within hearing distance.
10.  The question will take more than three words to answer, and is therefore better summed up with "stuff".

Stuff isn't just for teenagers, although you probably already know that.  The first time the teenager went to Girl Scout camp, as a 2nd grader, I was all excited to hear about her week when I went to go pick her up.  Instead, this conversation took place:

Me: So, how was it? What did you do?
Daughter:  I dunno.  Stuff.
Me: What kind of stuff?  You were there for an entire week!
Daughter: We just did stuff.
Me: I paid $500 for you to go to camp! What stuff did you do? I want to know!
Daughter:  Did you bring my Nintendo DS?

I told the teenagers in the car yesterday that I don't want to hear "stuff" anymore.  I want specifics.  If I ask a question, I want to know the real answer, not "stuff". "Stuff" is lazy. Does "stuff" even mean anything?  If I could pick ten words of the English language to ban forever, "stuff" would be one of them.  I'm envisioning this happening in the grown up world:

Boss: How come you didn't finish that report I asked for?
Grown Offspring:  I was doing stuff.
Boss: You're fired!

Maybe I should turn the tables on them and use "stuff" all the time, too, like this:

Offspring: What are we doing this summer?
Me: Stuff.
Offspring: What's for dinner?
Me: Stuff.

I suspect that they were both rolling their eyes at me from the back seat when I told them no more "stuff".

I'll let you know how it goes.