Birthday Parties

A few days ago, I came across a news article about a boy who had a birthday party and no one came.  Apparently, the 9 year old boy, who has some disabilities, wanted a birthday party, so his mom invited his class. Out of 30 invitations, 12 people said that they would show up.  The day of the party, no one did.  The mom called the people who said they were coming, and they all said, oh so sorry, he's just too different for our kids to play with.   So your kids couldn't suck it up for two hours and go to a classmate's house, get some birthday cake, play some birthday party games, and possibly have a good time?  Oh, the misery. 

This is all I know about the situation, so there could be more to it.  However, I see articles similar to this all the time.  I've seen two in the last seven days.  Usually other people step forward and show the birthday child a great time, but that it happens at all is deplorable.  It makes me wonder, what is wrong with people? 

I don't know about the 18 other people who were invited, and I'm not going to speculate. However,  I was taught by the Grandma of No, who I secretly suspect might have been an advisor to Miss Manners, that if you RSVP "yes" to something, you're going unless you're sick or going to a family member's funeral.  "We got a better offer" or "your kid is just too different" were not legitimate excuses to renege on an RSVP.

One of the wonderful things about having older kids is that you don't have to have birthday parties for your offspring anymore.  I know some moms get all into that planning and spend hours on Pinterest planning cakes- but the Mom of No is not a birthday party planner, and my idea of decorating a cake is to frost it and put sprinkles on it. Once my kids got to 6th grade, I cut them off from having birthday parties.  I had mom angst about the entire birthday party process, plus a substantial amount of  tree hugger guilt over giving children goody bags full of plastic crap that was going to end up in a landfill.   Even with "typical" kids, people aren't always good about RSVPs.  I had nightmares about getting a cake and paying the roller skating rink $250 for fifteen kids to skate for two hours and eat pizza, and then having no one show up. 

However, kids love birthday parties.  Sharing your birthday milestone with your classmates is a childhood ritual.  Having a party and not having anyone show up is a horrible thing to happen to a kid.  It's also a horrible thing to happen to the kid's mother.   It's a sign that you've been judged by other mothers and found wanting. 

If you read this, and you have young kids, and they get an invitation to a birthday party, say yes. Take them.  Even if the kid is "different".  Especially if the kid is "different".   It will be two hours out of their lives, but it might mean the world to another child. It might let another mother know that she's not alone, and that might be a message she desperately needs to hear.   Besides, who knows? Your kids might even have a good time.