Pucks to Give

A friend and I were talking recently about having "no more pucks to give".  The word "pucks" is actually a different word that starts with the letter F, but my kids don't like it when I cuss and I am a hockey fan, so I'll use the word "puck".  When I think of pucks, I think of hockey games, and when I think of hockey games, I think of hockey fights, and there is just not much of anything that is better than a good hockey fight.  So I'll use the word "pucks".  When you're reading, replace the P with an F in your mind. 

This is the Mom of No's theory on running out of pucks to give:  When we say we have no more pucks to give, what we are actually saying is that we have come to recognize that we need to reallocate our pucks.  Pucks are like almost any other resource- they are finite.  We have a set number of pucks to give, and when we start feeling burned out, or tired, or irritable, then we've exceeded our number of allotted pucks for the month.  

For example, say that each person is allowed 500 pucks per 30 day period. You use 100 pucks on arguing with your teenager about the toxicity level of his room, 200 pucks on a work assignment that is giving you heartburn, and 150 pucks on a ridiculous fight on Facebook with someone you actually don't even know.  That leaves you with 50 pucks to give. If it's only the middle of the month, you are about to run a puck deficit.  Think of it like a data plan, but for your mental health instead of for your smartphone.  I bet you're really wishing you had those 150 Facebook fight pucks back, right?

Now that I am a middle aged, peri-menopausal woman with teenagers, I have decided that I definitely need to reallocate my pucks.  I used to give a lot of pucks about what other people thought of me.  Now I have far fewer pucks to give on that, because I have other things I need to give a puck about- aging parents, the teenagers, work,  my own health.  I definitely do not have enough pucks per month to spend on drama of the Facebook kind, or even the real life kind. 

As an "autism mom", I used to spend a lot of my pucks on what other people thought of my son having meltdowns or carrying toy cars around all the time.  Now, I spend no pucks on that. I think it was a wise reallocation, because now I have more pucks to give about teaching him how to do things for himself. 

Thinking of pucks as a finite number can really be helpful in setting priorities. When you feel like you are about to get sucked into puck-depleting events, decide- is this worth spending my pucks on? Or would I rather save my pucks for something that really matters to me?  Prioritizing your pucks can be quite helpful in determining how to respond to other people or events. 

If it's not worth your pucks, then walk away.  Save those pucks for another day, for something worthwhile, for someone or something that you really care about- a good cause, your family, whatever really matters to you.  For the rest of it, just say, "I have no pucks to give on that"- and walk away.