The Frugal Package

A few days ago, I was sitting at the kitchen table sorting through a week's worth of household paperwork.  The Teenager walked into the kitchen and dropped a thick envelope on the table.

We had an assembly about ordering our caps and gowns this week, she told me.  Here's the information.

Ordering a cap and gown for a high school graduation seems like it should be a straightforward procedure. You don't have to select colors, or styles; just fill out a form and send money. I had a brief weepy Mom moment during which I mentally reminisced about the first baby outfit I bought the Teenager, when she was still in utero.  It was an adorable little Winnie-the-Pooh onesie with a matching hat. Now, here I was buying her graduation cap and gown. 

I opened the envelope. That the outside of the envelope informed me that payment plans were available should have been a warning.  If you have been through this process before and you tried to enlighten me to what lay ahead, I'm sorry; I didn't pay close enough attention.  If you have yet to go through this experience, I'm telling you now.  Nothing related to high school graduation is easy.  It's almost like planning a wedding except you don't have to have awkward dinners with the prospective in-laws. Instead of Bridezilla, however, the star of the show is a teenager stressed out about college applications and schoolwork.

Inside the envelope. I found several glossy brochures and sheets of paper.  I had many, many choices. I could order announcements, class jewelry, T-shirts, photo cards, hoodies, key chains, plaques.  To make my life easier, I was given the option of ordering the "school mascot package", which included everything that would make your graduating adolescent's dreams come true (except a new car) and came with a price tag to match.  I sorted through the paperwork, looking for what I needed to complete this process.  I was looking for the "Frugal Package"; the one that included the required cap and gown and the minimum number of official graduation announcements.

Such a thing did not seem to exist.

One of my pet peeves is going to buy something and then finding out that I can't just buy the item I want and leave;  I have to deal with the sales pitches for the "extra stuff"- the insurance, the maintenance packages, the added features.  When I tell the salesperson I don't want to add anything to my purchase, the more skilled among them have this amazing ability to make me feel like if I don't buy the extra stuff, I am making a colossal error in judgment that I will regret as soon as I walk out the door.

The last time I flew on an airplane, I used the self-check in, and the computer tried to upsell me on an aisle seat instead of the middle seat, for an additional $25. No, really, I told the computer, I just want to get on the plane.  When I bought my car, the salesman waited until I practically had the keys in my hands and then said "You will want to buy one of our extended warranty packages for your new car!".  No, really, I just want to drive that car off the lot.  When I bought a new washing machine, the cashier's final question was "Shall I add the extended service package?" No! I just want to go home!

This graduation year is one long process of being asked to buy a lot of extra stuff.  I'm trying to be zen about it but I'll admit that my attitude about it might not be the most chipper on occasion.

So here I was, looking through the glossy brochures for class jewelry, and fancy photo announcements, and Class of 2018 key chains and personalized address labels (I definitely don't need that; I have a ton of those from every charity I've ever donated to) seeking the information I needed: how to order one cap and gown set.  I might have been vocalizing my frustration a bit; the other human members of the household seemed to have disappeared, the dog had sought refuge under the coffee table, and the hamster was hiding under her wheel.

Finally, after I put my reading glasses on and flipped the order form to the back, my persistence paid off! I found the cap and gown line item in small print on the bottom of the order form. Success! I had found the Frugal Package, for the low price of $29.99.  After a brief internal debate,  I added 25 graduation announcements to the order.  The Dad of No and I come from small families, so I don't actually need 25 announcements;  I'll probably just randomly send out the extras to my friends.  If you are selected to receive an announcement, there's no obligation to send anything. I just suspect it will be easier for you to throw it out than it will be for me to do it.

I had been hoping that in three years, I would be able to use the same cap and gown for the Son of Never Stops Eating, but I don't think that is going to work; not only is he much taller than his older sister but I'm informed that the dye lots change so you have to order a new set of graduation regalia for every child.  At least now I know, however, where to find what I'm looking for on the cap and gown ordering form.