Dual Credit

The Teenager is now in eleventh grade.  I'm finding it challenging to work that out in my mind; on the first day of school, I kept thinking back to when the kids were small, headed off to kindergarten with unsure smiles and cartoon-character lunchboxes.  I keep having to repeat this to myself: my daughter is a junior in high school.

This year, she signed up for a dual credit class, meaning that she will get both high school and college credit for the course.  I had some questions about logistics, so I was on the college website reading the dual credit section, and I came across this paragraph:

Encourage them to establish open communication with their instructors. If they are experiencing challenges in a course, they will need to communicate this to their instructor.  Do not contact instructors on their behalf. (Their italics, not mine).

I'm completely fine with this.  I can't imagine any circumstances in which I would want to contact her dual credit course instructor.  The kid is on her own. Those are her grades, not mine.  I already graduated from college. 

Oh, wait a minute...suppose she's sick?  Should I e-mail the instructor and tell him or her? Or what if she gets home from an away marching band show (aka the football game) at midnight and falls asleep at the dining room table and doesn't finish her assignments? Is it okay to e-mail the instructor then? (I can hear the Grandpa of No's response in my head: no, because proper prior planning prevents poor performance). I'm her mom, you know?  That's what I do! I don't intervene unless I do need to intervene, and then watch out because I'm coming in with the feared Mom Ninja moves!

But...it says "do not contact instructors on their behalf".  It's even emphasized by putting it in italics. Obviously, they mean it.

This is one of the challenges of parenting teenagers: letting them handle their own business, and teaching them that their mistakes are theirs to own, not yours.  This class is clearly her business. Her success depends on her, not me.  That's a hard statement to make when it seems like every thing the kids do- good or bad- is considered a reflection on the mother's parenting ability.  The catch-22 of parenting in the 21st century is this: sometimes kids need to learn from their mistakes, but if you are a good parent (read: mother), they won't make mistakes in the first place. 

Last year, after some parental angst, we decided to let the Son of Never Stops Eating start walking to school.  His school is only a few blocks from our house.  He's been walking to the nearby park for years, with supervision, and he knows all the rules: wait for the walking man on the crosswalk sign, watch out for cars, don't believe offers of free candy.  He was riding a school bus, but he didn't like it. The bus was too loud and some of the other kids were annoying.

If you walk, I told him, you have to go to school.  Not the donut shop, not the convenience store, not the park.  You have to go to the school.

He looked offended.  Mom, I know what to do! he said. 

If you screw up, you're back on the bus, I threatened. Don't think I won't do it.

He rolled his eyes and repeated, Mom! I know what to do!

It turned out that he did, in fact, know what to do.  He got to school fine the next day, and the day after that.  He's still walking to school.

Do I worry that something will happen to him? Oh, you betcha. But I worry more about what will happen if he doesn't learn how to do things on his own. 

It is hard sometimes to not jump right in and fix their problems, or wrap them up in bubble wrap, or keep them under constant surveillance.  I have to resist the urge to make the phone call or write the e-mail.  However, I also don't want to be the mother who goes with her grown child when she has her first job interview.  I've heard that this happens.  I'm going to cross my fingers, not call any instructors, and trust that they both do, indeed, know what to do.