Hard Conversations

Here is something that you don't hear about when you are pregnant for the first time, glowing with joy and anticipation and looking forward to endless days of parenting bliss:  Eventually you will have to explain difficult topics to your children.

You will have to explain that a pet has passed away, or that a beloved grandparent is very ill, or that a parent has lost a job and money will be tight.  Eventually, you will have to explain events in the world outside your front door, and that can be a difficult and scary experience for all involved.   How much you choose to reveal to your kids and when and how is one of the many great parenting debates. 

I don't believe in rolling my kids up in bubble wrap and guarding them ferociously from learning that the world is not always a happy place.  I wouldn't let toddlers watch The Walking Dead, but part of growing up is learning how to recover and adapt when things do not go well.  With a teenager who is 13 years old but developmentally delayed, it can be a challenge to explain why the world is not always full of sunshine and happy butterflies.  However, I don't believe that I am doing him any favors by being overprotective. 

Also, this is not really a subject covered in the comprehensive guide to parenting we are supposed to have memorized.  This kind of experience is the Australian outback of parenting- minimally charted territory.  It's even harder when you're also trying to process the event yourself.  It can be quite a challenge.

This past Thursday, five City of Dallas police officers were killed and seven were wounded while on duty by a sniper. Since we live in the area, the news coverage started almost immediately.  I had been out to dinner with friends, and when I walked in the door, the first thing my son said to me was, "This isn't the zombie apocalypse, is it?"  He had been watching the news with the Dad of No and the Teenager, and he was worried.

Further questioning the next day revealed that in addition to the police officers being shot, which upset him because one of his favorite people is the student resource police officer at his school, he was worried that he might get shot the next time we went to the Dallas Museum of Art. The museum is one of his favorite places.  He likes to go there and look at his favorite art and then go to Klyde Warren park to hang out and pester the Mom of No to buy treats from food trucks.  He was worried that the art had been damaged.  He had a lot on his mind.

Several years ago, one of the kids' grandparents passed away.  Right after that, I received some advice from someone that actually proved useful.  When bad things happen, I was told, kids want to know that they are going to be okay and that they are going to be taken care of.

The museum is okay, I told him.  Nothing happened to the art.  And you know that we will always do everything we can to make sure you are safe.  His father and I gave him reassurances and hugs.  We've been talking about what happened and why.  I know he's still processing it, but I also know that he's not as scared as he was on Friday, because he spent most of this morning pestering me about his newest heart's desire Lego toy at Target (a police chase set). 

We need to make a visit soon to the museum, and to the park across the street, so that he can see that it is safe, and that the museum is okay, and that while there are some bad people in the world doing evil things, and that sometimes these things happen close to home, they will not stop us from living our lives.  Parenting is not always easy, especially when you are parenting a teenager with special needs, but as Theodore Roosevelt said (kind of), we do what we can, with what we have, where we are.