Mother's Week

This coming Sunday will be Mother's Day, and children everywhere will be asking that essential question:  What can I do to make my Mom's mother's day extra-special and something she'll remember for the rest of her life?

Actually no, just kidding. The Mom of No knows what they're asking.

When is Kids' Day? How come there's no Kids' Day?

All together now, moms, in unison:

EVERY DAY IS KIDS' DAY!

I became a mother for the first time on a night in August 2000.  The only thing I really remember about that night is yelling at the Dad of No that it was perfectly fine to run every stop sign between our house and the hospital; as the contractions started coming, my birth plan became rapidly distilled down to one sentence: Get this baby out NOW.

After we came home from the hospital, I quickly learned my first motherhood lesson: there were a million ways I could screw up being a mother.  After a few weeks of sticking close to the house, I decided to venture out with the baby.  As I wandered around the grocery store, an older lady peered into the infant carrier. How old is she, the lady asked.  A few weeks, I said. I was expecting her to say something like "oh, what a sweet baby!" or "you look fantastic for a few weeks postpartum!".  Instead, she said, well, that baby is too young to be out of the house.  She's going to get sick.  I fled the scene, horribly embarrassed.

I called the Grandma of No, who as a recently retired NICU nurse, was my go-to baby advice person.  That's ridiculous, my mother said.  Women with babies leave the house all the time. Just don't let people cough on her.

So here is a (partial) list of the things I did wrong as a young mother:  I used bottles.  I went back to work. I didn't rub down the grocery cart with an antimicrobial wipe before I put the toddler in the little seat. I didn't sign either of my kids up for mommy and me classes. When my daughter took dance, I couldn't get her hair curled like the dance teacher demanded. I have more, but you get the idea.  Being a mother didn't stress me out.  Other people telling me how they thought I should be a mother stressed me out. 

However, about a month after my daughter was born, a friend of my mother's sent me a card. Inside, she wrote a lovely note, and mentioned that my own mother had praised me and how I cared for my daughter.  Every now and then, I would take it out and read it, and feel my confidence return.  That woman did not know me, but she gave me a gift I still have.

For Mother's Day, all of us should give ourselves and each other two gifts.  First, we should give ourselves a break.  No self-doubt, no guilt, no second-guessing.  No feeling like a bad mom when we know we're not.  Perfection is not a requirement of motherhood.

Second, let's give each other a break from the judging.  So some of us work and some of us don't. Some of us breast-fed and some of us bottle-fed and some of us did both.  Some of us are free-range and some of us are helicopter parents.  Some of us buy only organic food and some of us are regulars at the McDonald's drive-thru line.   Is any of that really a deal-breaker?  Let's all stop judging each other and finding each other wanting in Mom ability. 

Maybe we could even give each other some positive vibes. You're awesome.  I appreciate you.  If you know a mom who needs some backup- the moms struggling to overcome a challenge, the moms who are grieving, the moms who are overwhelmed and exhausted, reach out to them. Send them a text, give them a hug, write them a short note.  Like that card was to me, a gesture like that could be a real gift to someone. 

Finally, Happy Mother's Day week to all moms reading this. I hope you have a great day. You deserve it. Enjoy all of it. You're all awesome.  And kids, if you do breakfast in bed for your mother, clean up your mess in the kitchen. I know you can do it.