Class of 2018

Last Tuesday, the Teenager and I were summoned to the high school after hours for a very important meeting.  The theme of this meeting:  Class of 2018- Are You Ready?

Yes.  Yes, I am absolutely ready for this. I have been ready for this from the moment of the first adolescent eye roll.  I'm thinking of all the free time I'll have in the fall of 2018 when the Teenager is off to college and I'm free of Band Mom duties.  No more concession stand or pie sales for me.  I can reclaim the entire month of August for my own purposes.  I've mentally started planning the transition of her bedroom from teenager lair to Mom's Study, complete with an entire bookshelf set aside for my field guides.

Ok, wait a minute.  That entire last paragraph was a complete lie.  I am a blathering blob of emotions.  No, I am not ready for this.  We're talking about my baby here.  We're talking about the sweet little girl I brought home from the hospital back in 2000, swaddled in pink blankets, and there is no way that she is old enough to be a senior in high school.  This "Are you ready" bit is a sad story.  I'm going to sit here and cry about it, because I still have a bunch of Mom stuff that I need to do, and 12 months just isn't going to be enough time. 

I remember, several years ago, going to 6th grade orientation at the middle school, and as part of that orientation the school band played for the parents.  At the time, the Teenager had yet to start playing the clarinet (although I had already signed my life away to the instrument rental place to acquire one on a rent to own agreement), and I was still thinking of her as a little kid. The 7th and 8th grade band kids not only sounded like they knew what they were doing, they looked considerably more grown up that what I was prepared for.  I wanted to turn to her and say, "Go back! I'm not ready for this! Stop growing up!".

Actually, that's not entirely true either.  Part of me felt that way, but another part of me was excited that in a year, I'd be watching my 7th grader playing that clarinet for the new 6th graders, acquiring new skills, making new friends and becoming more independent. It was fascinating to watch the Teenager shed her childhood self, slowly growing into her adulthood. I could see bits and pieces of myself, the Dad of No, and her grandparents emerging in her appearance and her personality, and it was pretty darn cool to witness.

Actually, that last paragraph is almost completely bogus.  I cried like a baby at work the day she started 6th grade.  The woman in the stall next to me in the ladies room finally knocked on the door of the stall I was in and asked, "Are you OK?"  No, I told her.  My daughter is starting middle school today. "Oh, teenagers", she said in a knowing voice.  "Well, good luck to you", she said in a voice that really said "The Doom is upon you! Run away while you still can!". 

So am I ready?  I honestly have no idea if I'm ready.  I'm torn between "No! Wait! I don't want you to leave me! I'm not done yet!" and "Go, fly, my little fledgling, be free!". 

I think about all the firsts and milestones that have been scratched off the list: first day of school, first sleepaway Girl Scout camp, braces on, braces off,  first time behind the wheel of a car, first part-time job, first time marching out on the field with the high school marching band as a 9th grader.  Now, we start scratching off the list of lasts- last first day of school; last school pictures, last marching band season,  last time I nag her to clean her room and hang up her clothes. 

Am I ready? Yes, I am ready. No, I am not ready.  I have no idea.  I'm not sure how much it matters; it's coming for me anyway whether I am ready or not.  The Teenager seems to be ready; maybe that's the more important thing here anyway. 

I do know two thing to be unambiguously true:  (1) Evidently, I will be writing a lot of checks;  and (2) When the day finally comes to repurpose the Teenager's room,  I apparently have competition in the household.  The Son of Never Stops Eating has evidently been eyeing that space for his Lego Creation Studio.