When The Teenager was a newborn, one of the nurses brought her to me while we were still both in the hospital, and left her with me in the room for awhile. This was when I realized that it had been a long time since I'd changed a diaper, and that it was not as easy as it appeared. I think it probably took me ten minutes to change that first diaper. The postpartum nurses were likely telling each other in quiet whispers, "The parenting force is not with this one". Every baby-related task seemed to require a substantial amount of time, and forget multitasking. If Mom Skills are supposed to descend upon you automatically at the birth of your firstborn, the bestowing passed me by.
Then the Son of Never Stops Eating was born, and I could change his diapers or feed him anywhere, anytime, usually while doing something else at the same time, often with his older sister yelling "MOMMY! WANT GO OUTSIDE NOW!" at the top of her lungs while simultaneously trying to climb up my leg. In a speed diaper changing contest, I could have definitely held my own. The Mom Skills had, somehow, become instinctual.
The Dad of No and I are currently in the process of teaching the Teenager how to drive (prayers and good vibes welcome). It's made me realize how much of an instinctual process driving has become for me, after having had a driver's license for nearly 30 years. I take knowing things for granted: how much time it will take me to stop my car at a certain rate of speed. How long that light at the next intersection will stay green. How long it will take that car barreling towards me from the other direction to reach the intersection I want to turn into. The Teenager, being new to driving, hasn't acquired this instinctual knowing yet.
This is why we sit at intersections waiting to make turns for a longer period of time than drivers behind us might like, as sometimes indicated by the enthusiastic use of car horns. I tell the Teenager to not let that bother her; I am the Mom of Please Drive Cautiously to Avoid Collisions With Oncoming Traffic.
Learning how to drive is essentially the story of learning how to be an adult. As adults, we know things- or, as a friend of my daughter's told me a few weeks ago, adults are just really good at faking that we know things. However, those of us who have been adults for awhile can sometimes forget that we didn't always know what we know now, because, like driving a car, we have been doing it for so long and it has become so routine that we just take it for granted that everyone knows the same things that we know.
At least in the area I live in, there is often reluctance to let older kids and teenagers try on some independence and learn some risk assessment. It's as if we operate under an assumption that when a kid turns 18, the ability to become an adult is somehow magically imparted to them. This is why, as the Teenager gets closer to that milestone birthday, I have to sometimes stop and take a deep breath and remember, I didn't know everything at her age either, although I thought I did.
Getting a driver's license might be the first time a teenager is confronted with the reality that actions or mistakes can have serious real life consequences. Driving a car is a huge responsibility, and a giant step towards adulthood. The Teenager, much to her credit, is taking this responsibility seriously and proceeding cautiously. So if you are behind our car, and the Teenager is behind the wheel, have some patience for us. We're working on driving toward adulthood.
No comments:
Post a Comment