On Your 18th Birthday

About this time 18 years ago I was standing in my kitchen, massively pregnant in the August heat, feeling some odd twinges and pains and thinking that something was about to get started.  I was right- those odd twinges and pains were the onset of labor, and the beginning of what has been an awesome (and sometimes exhausting) adventure. 

That baby turns 18 tomorrow, and I'm honestly torn between feelings of "Thank God, now you're an adult, you can go buy your own underwear", and "Oh crap, there's a lot I've forgotten to tell you about life, don't hate me!", and "Does this mean I'm old?".  I know I'm getting up there; when I hang out with my besties we talk about menopause and college costs and aging parents and in a few days the Grandpa of No will be moving my mom into assisted living, and I'm starting to realize that retirement is more than a glimmer on the horizon and sometimes that right knee gets a little achy and now I need reading glasses so yeah, I'm no spring chicken and now I have my very own...gulp...adult daughter.  Oh boy. Hot flash! Hot flash!

So I feel like I should give some deep, philosophical advice to start off the College Student's adult years just right, and the best I can come up with is the sage advice in the following paragraphs. 

Dear newly minted adult: I know you can do it.  You're a smart kid (OK, grownup). You are responsible. I've seen you take ownership of your mistakes, and you work to correct them.  You have some idea of where you want to end up in five years, which is, quite honestly, more than I had figured out at your age.  You can be something of a procrastinator, and you don't always like to ask for help. Start asking when you need it- I'm paying some bank in student service fees; I want you to take advantage of every resource on campus you possibly can. 

Things aren't always going to end up the way you planned or intended. You'll probably get your heart broken at least once (whoever he is, he doesn't deserve you anyway).  You'll have a great job interview, only to find out someone else was offered the position (whoever that company is, they don't deserve you either.).  You'll lose a friend, or two.  You might end up living somewhere you hadn't expected, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  You will have setbacks both minor and major.  You will have times of mourning in your life; you will know grief.  

However, you will also have adventures! You'll have days where you wake up, ready to get up and go.  You'll get jobs you didn't expect to get, find friends in unexpected ways, travel to places you never expected to see, learn things you never expected to learn.  One day you'll wake up by the beach, or in a tent in a forest, and the sun will be rising in the cool early morning air, and you'll think to yourself, I am so glad to be alive!  You may start your own family one day, and in one of those early morning feedings you'll look down at a soft downy infant head and think that, no matter how tired you are at that moment, this is where you are meant to be right now. You may find a passion or a cause that makes you feel like you are changing the world, or at least your small part of it.   

It won't happen all at once.  Five years from now, or ten years, or even twenty, or even thirty- you'll look up and realize that all those minutes in the days added up to something and you never even realized it was happening.  You'll look around and think, I had no idea it was going to happen so fast. 

Grownup stuff is not always easy, so ask for advice when you're not sure. Don't forget to vote.  Save your money. Show up when you say you will, and do what you say you are going to do.  Keep learning stuff. Read lots of books.  Be judicious about what you post on social media.  Don't sign any contracts without reading them first and being sure that you understand what you are agreeing to.  Remember that sometimes it is better to say no.  Avoid the urge to start comparing yourself to other people;  do your own thing and don't feel like you need to compete with anyone. Call your mother (texting is okay too).

So here it comes, whether you feel ready for it or not...welcome to adulthood. Happy 18th birthday, kid.