Face to Face

Lately, I've been pondering my relationship with Facebook.

At first, Facebook seems like an introvert's dream.  I can keep up with my friends without having to talk to them on the phone. Facebook and smartphones were made for people like me.

Sometimes, however, it seems like Facebook causes more problems than it's worth. 

People have different expectations of Facebook interactions.  Some people use it to promote their small business; others use it to share photos of their adorable offspring or of their teenagers rolling their eyes on the first day of school.  Sometimes people sign up for Facebook with an expectation that it will be a great way to discuss deep philosophical issues with a wider audience, or that it will be like meeting up with friends at the local coffee shop for lively discussion without actually having to put on socially appropriate garments and leaving the house.  Some people sign up for an account to spy on their teenagers and then find out that teenagers don't really seem to use Facebook, so they never log in.  Some people use it as a platform to express their political views.  Many people probably use it for some combination of most of the above.

The Mom of No uses Facebook to post great nature photos taken at her local nature preserve, the occasional snarky commentary on current political issues, and as a resource to remember things like where the local breakfast club is meeting.  I feel like I should warn people when they send me a friend request: I post a lot of snake photos (and other weird nature stuff), and I have a really weird sense of humor.  Proceed at your own risk.

Often, Facebook seems like one big giant 21st century etiquette minefield.  What is the appropriate rule for friending certain people, like your new boss or your child's teacher? If someone starts annoying you on a regular basis, should you unfollow them or unfriend them?  If you unfollow them, what should you say when, several weeks later, they ask if you saw something they posted on their page? How should you act when someone unfriends you and then you see them a week later?  If someone takes a screen shot of a conversation you've had with them on Messenger and posts it for public consumption, what is the best way to handle that?  Facebook etiquette goes way beyond the "Say please and thank you and write thank you notes" that I learned as a kid.

And the potential for misunderstandings- that's bigger than the Son of Never Stops Eating's appetite right after an hour-long swim practice.

I like using Facebook.  I'm definitely not considering giving it up entirely.   Lately, however, I've started to feel like the care and feeding of my Facebook life is taking over my real life, and I'm not quite sure how to proceed.  Facebook seems to be so embedded in 21st century American life that, although I know there are people who survive (probably quite well) without any social media accounts, I don't think I could do it.  I like seeing people post about books they've read, or their cool nature finds, or videos of the marching band show.  I am good friends with people I might not have met if I had not been on Facebook.

Sometimes, however, it's hard to walk away from something on Facebook that would probably be better off left alone. I have spent hours mulling over a controversial or pot-stirring post, mentally composing a great response in my head (and those responses always sounds better in my head than it reads when typed out).  In the last few months, I've started getting a strong feeling that this is probably time that would be better spent doing other things.  Perhaps it's because I'm about to have a birthday and, as happens every year, I'm in somewhat of a funk about what I'm doing with my life and wondering if I've somehow missed accomplishing some big thing because of all the time I've spent on Facebook.

So, I've decided to make a conscious effort to spend less time online and more time doing other things, like reading more books, or trying to learn how to use the camera I got a year ago instead of just using the auto function for everything, or actually talking to people.  Yesterday, I spent some time trying out a ginger cookie recipe I saw in a magazine.  That is a whole other story for another day, but I will say that when I looked at the cookie photo, I thought I was going to be getting a big cookie and what I got was the size of a quarter. Instead of eating one cookie (okay, two) I have to eat five (okay, ten).

I'll still be on Facebook, however, just not as much.  Someone has to post great photographs of snakes found during nature hikes.  You never know, there might be a cookie review or two to share at some point. I am the Mom of Cookies Should be Bigger Than A Quarter.