The Grandpa of No called me this evening just as I was finishing up my after work/start of the weekend hike. The College Student is currently on a Greyhound bus headed home for Spring Break (Airfare was over $1000 for a round trip ticket, much too rich for the Mom of No, so she's getting a closer look at America from a bus window). He wanted to know if I'd heard from her (no) and then he asked me, jokingly, hey, you didn't bribe her school to admit her, did you?
Like I have any money to bribe anyone for anything. I could offer maybe $50 along with a loaf of homemade banana bread. I don't think that would get me very far, although the banana bread is really good, especially when it's served warm with butter. No, I assured him, no bribes. The College Student managed to obtain admission to her institution of higher education without any financial shenanigans on my part.
What fascinates me about this entire college admissions bribery scandal is that apparently it is possible to find work as a "social media influencer". I've now heard this term twice in the last two weeks and I'm honestly not even sure what that is. How do you become a social media influencer? Who determines what makes a good social media influencer? Is there a job description out there on the Internet somewhere? Are auditions required, or do you just start posting stuff on Facebook and hope that some Social Media Influencer talent scout finds you? How did these people get to be so influential when they don't seem to have actually done anything? (This is where, upon re-reading, I realize that I really am starting to sound like the Grandpa of No).
When I was in high school, I wanted very badly to have the same awkwardly cool flair that Molly Ringwald possessed in Sixteen Candles or The Breakfast Club. I was absolutely convinced that if I had the same magic touch with my appearance that I believed that she did in those movies, I would become popular and confident instead of the nerdy science-fiction reading introvert that I was. That, and thinking that if I could somehow become part of Duran Duran all my problems would go away, is probably the closest I can relate to being influenced by someone famous. I'm now 49 and definitely not a part of the cool crowd, so it's highly possible this social media influencer gig has been a thing for awhile and I'm just now finding out about it, but I'm very baffled by it.
I think, however, that I would be a great social media influencer. Not because I possess any ability whatsoever to convince people to buy more stuff that they really don't need (the Mom of No has been making mostly fruitless and frustrating attempts to Kon-Mari her house, more on that later, it's a sad story, but really- it would be much easier if I had just bought less stuff in the first place, let this be a lesson to you, young whippersnappers- reject the urge to accumulate stuff while you still have a relatively uncluttered life), but because after raising two kids and living almost half a century, I think I have a lot of wisdom to share with others. Maybe not fashion advice, I don't really have any talent there, but I do have other insights I think the world needs.
For example, if I could get a social media influencer job in which I convince millions of Americans to quit throwing their plastic water bottles, foam soft drink cups, cigarette butts, empty plastic shopping bags, fast food wrappers, underwear*, and other detritus out of their cars onto roadway medians, I would absolutely consider that time well spent. If people can be convinced that by buying a certain brand of shoes their dreams will all come true, why can't people be convinced that picking up your trash (or at least not tossing it out the car window) is every American's patriotic duty?
Or, I'd like to convince people to back away from the social media and pick up a book. You can get books free from the local library, so there might not be a lot of money to be made in influencing people to read more. However, our society would benefit if people talked more about great books they'd read and less about what some famous for being famous people posted on social media. A social media influencer trying to convince people not to be on social media might sound like a self-defeating proposal but if I found myself out of a social media influencer job because people were reading more, I'd consider that a winning situation.
If those don't attract the Social Media Influencer deciders, perhaps "Birding is for Everyone" will. Instead of spending hours on social media looking at inaccurate and oversimplified political memes and getting into fights on Facebook groups with strangers, people would start talking about their birding life lists. Going outside with your kids, a pair of binoculars and a good birding field guide would become the new "in" activity. If I were an influencer, I would influence people to go outside and look at nature's beauty.
Maybe what I really want to know is why do so many people care what these people, who seem to be famous for no reason at all other than they take good selfies, think?
Anyway, I won't be quitting my day job anytime soon; I have bills to pay- apparently the mortgage company to be paid with money, not baked goods- and I think I might be waiting awhile for the Social Media Influencer Initiation Committee, to come a-calling. However, if I could influence you to do just one thing- please, don't throw your underwear onto our Adopt-a-Spot.
*The Son of Never Stops Eating and I have, on multiple occasions, picked up underwear from our Adopt-a-Spot. We're both wondering who goes driving down the road at 35 MPH tossing underwear out of their vehicle windows onto the side of the road.
No comments:
Post a Comment